Eeyore Voice: it's a monday lunch from florida.
as always, writing in hopes of creating
a bit of warm connection. mwah.
Okay - let's call them speed bumps.
Y'all know I am divorced,
and I am over fifty yo,
and I've left this door cracked to let the smoke out
so you could see what's happening over here.
NOT because there was clamoring or banging on said door to know my feelings or thoughts on the subject, but because
I NEEDED TO SPEAK.
There was no logical sense to start the blog.
The first action after we decided to separate
was to go buy new lavender underwear.
It had to be cute,
comfortable, and lavender.
I was writing a divorce book, logging our process, with what I most wanted other divorce books to have included.
Lavender was my 'transition' color -
(Headline: Ex-Mo wordnerd uses 'transition' in a non-trans way.)
I was transitioning...and it was very scary.
My second action was to write a new blog.
It was 2020, six weeks before the U.S. COVID-19 shutdown.
There was no mad rush to write blogs, for sure. Like I said, not logical.
I had an author's website already at the time. My book had been published 18 months before.
So... not a huge stretch, that an author would write a blog.
My first book tells the facts, let me clarify, as I knew them at the time.
I wrote it like fiction, so I could be a character,
removed from my emotions.
The blog... was me needing to speak!
To say something, anything.
But I didn't really know how.
Shocking, if you've known me since we were teens.
I was legit out of practice. I'd been in a state of 'freeze' for years.
I remember being invited on an ex-mormon podcast panel
with three others, and when it was my turn, on a prepped discussion,
I could not speak when asked, "What do you think, Tami?"
I had nothing.
Any-hoo, so I wrote those first 50+ episodes in the voice of the actress, Gillian Anderson, and named the blog: IAmNotBritish. Clever.
Thank you, Gillian.
What's my point...today?
I wrote about pain through smiling British lips, each week,
and tried to end it with a nugget of positivity:
"Today's Deep Breathe, a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision."
I'm still doing this. 200 emails later.
I'm writing about pain. Speed bumps. They still come up. How very human.
It's still pretty dang hard to feel.
Can I write about pain in a clean way, with no (ouch) self-pity?
Let's try.
It hurts when:
family moves on without you or
your brain makes up extensive stories about how your family has moved on without you.
you're still attached to the way things used to be, for years, and you think they changed because you decided to speak up.
love is not reciprocated.
unrealistic expectations are not met.
any expectations are not met.
I tell myself that I messed it all up, that I could've stayed and sucked up my pain even more, in order to be in a familiar situation, somewhat comfortable?
I get comfortable in my own pain.
pain comes up now...the shock of pain feels heightened... because most days I feel freedom and peace and love for me.
THE TRUTH: I feel pain now only occasionally. It's NOT constant anymore!
Hang on - is that a gratitude??
It is! Okay, am I coming out of it?
Today's Deep Breath: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision.
How long does it take you
to pop out of your pain?
I mean, tbh, I've been working on this one for four full days.
If it's constant, like mine used to be,
with the low hum 24-7
and spikes during waking hours,
THAT is a sign to speak up or create a boundary for yourself,
or to change something.
And waiting for someone else to change it...
well, that's probably not going to happen.
Because it hasn't yet!
We all get comfortable. We all like the familiar.
I shared a graphic about worry on the socials last week,
with THE MOST EMPOWERING Q:
can you do something about it?
Most problems
can be addressed
with 'respectfully assertive' communication.
If being respectfully assertive
seems like an out of body experience,
try meek and afraid.
LOL, that's what I did.
Or try something in between.
Try writing it down.
You can burn it, delete it, or publish it under a fake name.
Writing it down
makes it known.
Which leads to acceptance, which leads to
can I do something about it?
Whew! Pain is like an inside-out roller coaster.
At least you know you're not alone.
Speaking of: I have a short novel
that is pretty well-done, and
I need a reader without an Eeyore hangover
who will tell me
what they think about it.
If you're up to it, reply to this email, and I'll email a copy
to one lucky person.
Mwah,
~Tami
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